Have you ever met someone and you instantly felt magnetised simply by talking with them or spending time with them? Have you ever met someone on a train, on a date or at an event and just wanted to spend more and more time with them because they made you feel really good? Have you recently met someone whose aura was so positive that you were smiling the whole time even after you left their presence? Have you met someone that a lot of people enjoy being around or talking to and wished it was you? Have you experienced a service that you felt very happy paying for? Do you know anyone whom you look forward to seeing and spending time with because you knew that they would brighten up your day? Do you know someone who often says something to make you feel good and leave you feeling very positive when you need it the most? Have you ever found yourself going from sad and moody to optimistic and uplifted just within a short time after a meeting with someone? I’m sure we’ve all met someone like this at least once. If you’re lucky then you may have even met them on multiple occasions. They may be in your close circle, social group or family. Maybe you’re in a romantic relationship with someone like that? Better still that someone might just be you. The good news is that we can all learn to be more pleasant and attractive to others. We shall explore some of the things that you can do to develop a more pleasant personality that you and others can enjoy being around.
BE CURIOUS – Be genuinely interested in others. Care about what matters to them and get to know their dominating thoughts or whatever project is currently taking up their time, energy, money and space. Also be open to learning something new about the knowledge you have and ask deeper questions. This will give you a chance to meet new people and grow. Know that there’s still a lot that you don’t know. Learn about what the people you surround yourself with value. Offer help and always let your friends know that you are there for them and they can lean on you. A good tip is to ask good questions like: What projects are you excited about these days? What are you working on that brings you joy? What’s worrying you these days? Now follow up with: Tell me more about it. Then finally ask: Do you need some help? How can I help? Don’t be afraid that you may not be able to help them. You may know someone with resources that could help but don’t hold back. Just listening is very helpful and people appreciate it. Many years ago I met someone who ran a doughnut shop and a simple conversation led to me receiving funding for a huge project that I was working on. Without him being curious about what projects I was working on, I don’t think it would have led to the same outcome. Actually I’m quite sure I would have just paid for my doughnuts and wished him a positive day. I have so many stories like these. My recommendation is to stay open, connect and be curious.
EXPRESS GRATITUDE – Be sure to give genuine and heartfelt compliments. Make observations of what is positive and exalt it. Highlight the good in every situation with the same passion that you dish out criticism. Cheer good work when you feel it in your heart or acknowledge it within yourself. Let the otherside know when something is positive. Don’t hold it back or keep it inside. I know someone who broke up with an ex who finds it difficult to say “thank you” or show appreciation for the kindness or effort that has been extended to them. The quality of ingratitude is very unattractive to so many people. The sad thing is that some people who fail to express genuine gratitude or say how much they appreciate what has been done for them actually do feel grateful but they may hold themselves back or just don’t want to make a fuss and then the other side thinks that they just don’t care. This creates a block to deeper connection. If you are someone who is reluctant to say “thank you” or express appreciation for what has been done or you find it hard to express your deep feelings of gratitude then you can start today to practise letting people know you are happy for the help or kindness they showed you.
WEAR A SMILE – We hear this all the time: A little smile goes a long mile. Start your conversation and meeting with a warm smile, it brightens up the mood in the room and study shows that this is a very likeable and infectious feature. This applies to both men and women. Be gracious with your laughter by laughing when someone tells a joke or a story that you find funny. Become aware of the energy that you give off or bring into any space you enter. Think about how many times you wanted to say “hi” to someone but you stopped yourself because they weren’t smiling and as a result you assumed they weren’t friendly. Your face tells so many stories so be mindful of your facial expression and countenance especially when meeting new people who do not have any prior knowledge or impression of you. You want to create a positive impression.
FIRM HANDSHAKE – We have heard often how a firm handshake is an indicator of your confidence and firmness in which you approach your work. Be enthusiastic when you extend your hand to greet another person. A firm handshake expresses your energy, joy or vitality. It shows the other side the kind of relationship that they can expect from you. It communicates your eagerness to connect, engage and do business.
POSTURE – How you position your body, how you sit, how you stand and how you walk is important in how people make an impression of you. Practice a posture of alertness, strength and reliability. Walk with a purpose. Move with energy, poise, self-confidence and positive energy.
DRESS APPROPRIATELY – Dress to impress. Dress in the way that you would like to be addressed. When you take your time to look your best then you are showing a high level of respect and awareness that you care about bringing your best to others. Your sense of style communicates that you pay attention to detail, that you respect traditions and cultures. It indicates that you show up ready and up to the task. When you are appropriately dressed for events, you attract more people and people who value excellence gravitate towards you. A good example is after my client finished my communication program and completed the module of personal brand, he attended an event and the event organiser thought that my client was the head of the delegation for his company. He received the VIP treatment and was addressed the whole time like he was the head of his delegation and they kept giving him the respect reserved for the head of the delegation which was actually his boss and not until after the event did the organisers realise he wasn’t on the leadership team or even a special guest. The organiser of the event said in the end that he appeared like the head of the delegation because of how he presented himself. He enjoyed the best service because he practised the values of appropriately showing up the way a great leader would.
BE OF POSITIVE INTENTION – Have a mindset that desires to do good and serve others. Always be willing to offer value in your engagements and interactions because this would be felt by others. Yes there will be people with ulterior motives but make sure you stay positive in your dealing with others. Negativity breeds the same. Always think about what you can offer others, not just what they can offer you. Have a giver mentality not a taker mentality. Have a sincere desire to serve and create value for others.
SPEAK LIKE A LEADER – This means communicating with critical and logical thinking. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mind speaks. Fill your mind with information that is based on facts, science and reason. The things you say are a very important part of who you are and how people will perceive you. Apply reason and known facts to how you make decisions and judgement. Don’t have debates where you do not have sufficient information or you outrightly fabricate information that is neither based on facts, experience or reason. Most importantly, refrain from idle gossip and avoid lazy conversations that do not create any positive impact to improve your life and the well-being of others. Do not speak negatively of others. If you would be too embarrassed to say something in front of someone then that’s a good sign you shouldn’t say it behind their backs. Use your words to defuse tension and de-escalate conflict. Do not divide with your words but unite and create common ground where you can.
BE GRACIOUS – Self-control is a very important quality. Do not be quick to anger especially in the face of provocation. Be kind, especially in difficult situations. Always take the high road. There is nothing good that will come out of a heart full of vengeance, suffering, anger and malice.
BE ENTHUSIASTIC – Go through life with the desire to give your absolute best. Whatever you have promised to do, find a way to do it very well. Give it 10 to 20% more engagement. Be fully invested, don’t whine and complain at the slightest disappointment but find a way through. As long as you have signed on to a project, do it with your whole heart or quit if you truly believe that it isn’t in line with your values. Don’t do things half-heartedly.
CULTIVATE LOVE – Bring the energy of good vibrations. Bring the energy of willingness, optimism, hope, joy, freedom and connection to the people you work with. Have the best intention for them and treat others with kindness, conscientiousness, respect and dignity. In your personal life, strive to create deeper connections full of sensual, emotional, spiritual and intellectual stimulations by doing things with your loved ones that are fun, motivating, inspiring, delightful and joyful. Create some time to play and be merry. Life’s full of wonder so make time to be delighted by the pleasures of life. Create space for it everyday in your schedule.
SPIRITUAL PRACTICE – Every positive person I know has some meditative practice. They also happen to be effective leaders who have their daily ritual that connects them to their deeper and inner self. Create time daily to meditate, practice mindfulness, soul-dancing, pray, or any exercise that feeds your body and spirit simultaneously. This will help produce inner and outer peace in your life as well as bring clarity into many aspects of your life. This energy will come through for you in a big and positive way. It will improve the quality of your relationship and how you go about creating relationships.
Do you know anyone with an attractive personality? What qualities do they express that you admire? Do you have an attractive personality? On the scale of 1-10 what will you rate yourself when it comes to having an attractive personality? What are some of the qualities that are attractive in your personality? How can you leverage them?
Check out our advanced communication program on how you can further develop an attractive personality and take your communication to the next level.
You can connect with me directly on www.kcnwokoye.com (web email) or @kcnwokoye on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn or YouTube. Keep on shining!